brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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