Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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