Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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