Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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