PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
