Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
