Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
