i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
