I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
