I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
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My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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