hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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