this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
