I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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