At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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