Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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