Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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