Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
