oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
