U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I've blown a few things in my day
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My dick has a subreddit
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
