Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
