well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
