Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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