I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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