im having a threesome with these popsicles
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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