I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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