I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
