He is an equal opportunity slut.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
