have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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