Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
