my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
