My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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