dude i'm inner monologue high
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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