He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Boobs are out for the taking
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
