Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
