Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
