Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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