Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
