Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My cat gives me a boner
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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