gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
