I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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