I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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