idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
