I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
