im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
