What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize