this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
