fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I know her cup size but not her name....
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