Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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