What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
