Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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