Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
