so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
they need to just BURY HIM!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
