you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You're a waste of cheezeits
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
