Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
