I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
