i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
