she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
