Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
