I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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