I wannas sexs uuuuu
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
