Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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