i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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