last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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