I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize