Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
