I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize