you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
