It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.