She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
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Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?