I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place