I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
