If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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